


but they're fun to have around

by halfeatenmoon



Category: Eternal Nightcap - The Whitlams (Album)
Genre: F/M, Fix-It, Getting the Band Back Together, M/M, Past Drug Addiction, Reconciliation, past suicidal ideation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-24
Updated: 2016-12-24
Packaged: 2018-09-11 15:08:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,354
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8992183
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/halfeatenmoon/pseuds/halfeatenmoon
Summary: Ed has never wanted to go to a party less in his life, but it turns out pretty well in the end.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [song_of_staying](https://archiveofourown.org/users/song_of_staying/gifts).



> I've named our singer Ed after Ed Kennedy from Markus Zusak's _The Messenger_ , a book set in the same place as Eternal Nightcap and with a very similar aesthetic. And of course, after Edward Gough Whitlam, from whom the band took their name and their ARIA award.
> 
> I know too much of the story behind the album not to let any of it seep in here, but that's all details. This is very fictional, and not intended to be at all representative of the lives of the very real members of the Whitlams and their friends.

Louis was putting on his first big house party for the summer tonight. Saturday afternoon, early December, starting off the Christmas drinking season before the squares caught on. Three summers ago, though, when he was still living there, was when he'd first said "I'm inviting this guy Charlie, I met him at the Big Day Out, it's going to be great," and Charlie had brought his guitar so Ed brought out his keyboard and they made everyone dance whether they wanted to or not. That night they'd played and stopped to drink and played again, kept playing well after people started going home in the early hours of the morning, played until even Louis told them to shut up because he was going to bed. Then they lay on the ground and looked at the stars and Charlie had said "I want to do that again."

For three summers he'd been Ed-who-was-in-a-band-with-Charlie, turning up at every party ready to play and sing and charm the pants off people. Sometimes they'd coax Louis into playing drums for them, sometimes they'd laugh while he complained about them. Sometimes he was Ed who saw that Charlie was getting down and bundled him into a car along with their instruments for a few weeks, driving through country towns and playing at any pub that would let them to try and get a free meal, until Charlie forgot about the city and remembered to laugh again.

Right from the beginning he’d sometimes been Ed who walked Charlie home and listened to him quietly talk about how it wasn’t like there was nothing to live for, he just couldn’t stop thinking about walking onto the tracks when they went by the train line. He’d also always been Ed who watched by while Charlie talked to people for hours after their shows, people who were hurt and alone and thought the music helped. That was always something special. It made Ed jealous, that he couldn’t do that either, and proud of Charlie. And glad that if he couldn’t be that person for anyone else, he could be that person for Charlie.

Except that this year, Charlie who was Ed’s partner in crime had turned into Charlie who does too many drugs. Ed had become Ed who knows better that to tell Charlie to stop, but doesn’t know what else to do either. Then he was Ed who was jealous of Charlie’s new girlfriend, of someone else taking time up in his life, but Ed who would team up with Audrey any time of day to keep him from self-destructing.

Then it was Charlie who quit the band. Ed who still called around to Charlie every day as he got more and more fucked up and said he didn’t care about the band, he just wanted to be there to catch him. Charlie who stopped opening the door for him. Audrey coming round to Ed’s house to cry into her tea and biscuits instead of Charlie, Ed who still walked her home along the train lines. Ed who slunk home again with a broken heart.

Ed had put himself back together over the last few months, at least a little. In their three years of rampaging around New South Wales, he and Charlie had made quite a lot of friends. He couldn’t walk into the Sando without meeting someone who wanted to say hello, and often someone who wanted to either sleep with him or have him sing for their band. It was nice. He didn’t want it, but it was nice. He got through the spring by drinking with others instead of alone, writing sometimes, walking around Sydney talking to whoever he met. And never, ever staying long enough to start loving them.

Until Louis called him up and said he was having his first party for the summer, and Ed should come instead of moping around not fucking talking to anyone any more, and bring his keyboard over, because Charlie’s coming too.

So yeah. Ed has never felt less like going to a party in his life, but he and Louis started their fucking summer house parties and he can’t back out now, and he can’t decide whether it’s worse to see Charlie again or _never_ see him again, so he splits the difference and wanders the streets until he shares half a joint with Peter while sitting on the church steps and eventually finds himself in a bookshop staring blankly at a biography of Robert Menzies and wondering who the fuck in this neighbourhood would buy that shit.

“I don’t think you’re gonna burn it just by looking at it,” said a voice behind him. Ed blinked, eventually realised he had to turn around, and broke into a grin when he realised it was Kinky Renee. 

“Just Renee,” she said, when he opened his mouth. “It’s a Saturday afternoon, Ed, get your shit together.”

“I’m together,” he said, indignantly. “See, I can…”

He stopped when he couldn’t think of a single thing to prove that he had his shit together.

“Yeah, okay then.” She rolled her eyes and rubbed his shoulders. “You can’t run away forever.”

“I’m not running. Look at me, I’m literally standing still.”

“Uh huh.” She took his elbow and gently steered him towards the door. “That’s a load of shit, honey.”

Ed had slept with a bunch of people in the last few months that he wasn’t particularly proud of. Renee was not one of those. She could be if he had a different kind of shame, but he saved his regrets for broken hearts and not a woman who slapped him around the face and then made him lick her boots. The problem with Renee is that even though he’d never breathed a word to her about Charlie, she was really good at looking right through you.

“Can I take you out for a drink?” he tried.

“Nope,” she said, just as firmly. “It’s a Saturday night, I have a date, and you’re going to go do whatever it is you’re avoiding instead of trying to cry into my stockings again.”

Ed tried to muster up the balls to deny he ever did that and found he didn’t care enough. Then he tried feeling jealous about Renee having a date and just felt kind of turned on. “Who’s the new guy?”

“Tell you what,” Renee said, linking an arm through his. Ed realised she was walking him towards the train station. “You go do what you have to do and _then_ I’ll dish the dirt.”

He struggled to think again of a reason not to, a reason he really had the guts to say with Renee looking at him like that, and couldn’t come up with a thing.

Renee smiled and leaned down to kiss him on the cheek. “Good boy,” she said, warm and low, and he was on a train before he knew it.

*

Ed screwed up his courage, walked through the front door, and was immediately met in the front hallway with a chorus of cheers and Louis glaring at him, saying “About fucking time” and pressing a glass of cold wine in his hand.

“Drink,” said Louis, sternly, then immediately started pushing Ed down the hallway so forcefully that there was no way he could actually follow the order.

“Hi,” Ed tried, breathlessly.

“Good,” said Louis, confusingly, and pushed him around a corner.

They then had to wait a moment while two people tried to get down from where they’d climbed up the narrow hallway walls with their backs on one side and their feet on the other.

“Maybe I should leave!” Ed said, brightly, and turned around. 

“Nope,” said a tall redhaired man who’d emerged from behind him, poking him in the chest.

“Who the fuck are you?”

“My new housemate, Chris,” Louis said. “Had to get someone in after you fucked off.”

“I left two years ago, and he has to be the third person you’ve had in since then.”

“Chris is great,” Louis said. Louis praising someone unambiguously was remarkable enough that Ed stopped and gave them both a long, appraising stare.

“Much less drama than you,” Louis added.

“I’ve kept my drama out of your hair for half a year.”

“And yet, here you are, stalling while your other half mopes around the kitchen.”

“I don’t have a –“

“The other half is in the backyard now, actually,” said Chris.

“And he’s very helpful,” Louis added.

There was a loud thump, then another, as the wall-crawlers fucked up their dismount and fell to the floor.

“Excellent,” Louis said, grabbing Ed’s shoulders again and steering him towards the back. “Let’s get this shitshow on the road.”

Ed had kind of expected that he’d spot Charlie across the yard. That they’d lock eyes as soon as they saw each other, just watching wordlessly as the rest of the party moved around them, while they forgot they were even there.

As it turned out, he didn’t have time. He’d barely stepped outside before Charlie was at his side, an arm around his waist, face pressed to the side of Ed’s neck and rocking his whole world off balance.

Louis, always looking out for the important thing, took Ed’s wine out of his hand again and drank the lot before Ed could spill it.

“Hi,” Ed said. He couldn’t believe a single syllable could come out that shaky.

Charlie pulled back, held Ed’s face in his hands, pressed their foreheads together. “Missed you.”

“Missed you too, mate,” Ed said, patting at Charlie’s shoulders, neck, hair, like he was checking that he was just the same as Ed had left him. “I thought I’d never…”

“I’m sorry,” Charlie said, before Ed could even finish it. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to cut you out, I didn’t fucking know what I was doing, but I’m better now, I really am, well sorta, most of the time.”

“It’s _okay_ ,” Ed said. He hugged him, and Charlie hugged back, harder this time, and they stumbled through a couple of people and kind of collapsed in a heap on the grass. “It’s okay, I know, fuck, I’m just glad you’re back, are you…”

“I’m better, I swear,” Charlie said, fiercely. He looked into Ed’s eyes with the same intensity he remembered in everything Charlie did. “I fucked up so much and I missed you.”

“Hello, boys,” said Audrey, standing over them. Ed started, guiltily, as she crouched down, but she just patted his knee. “I didn’t mean to interrupt, I just wanted to say hello.”

“Hello,” Ed said, dazed, and she laughed. “Don’t worry, there’s plenty of time for that later. I’ll leave you boys to catch up.”

Charlie let go of Ed, pushed himself up into a sitting position, and squeezed Audrey’s hand for a moment. She smiled at him, smiled at Ed, and then turned away.

“You’re still together then,” Ed said, watching her go.

“Yeah.” Charlie smiled, and Ed couldn’t believe that they hadn’t been reunited for five minutes yet and he was already wrecking it by feeling jealous. “She’s something.”

“I know.” Ed swallowed. “She came around a lot, even after you didn’t want to see me.”

“I know, too.” Charlie rubbed his face. “I’m sorry.”

“You’re better now, you said.”

“I guess.” Charlie shrugged. “Better as in better than I was.” He held up his hands, smiled. “Totally sober! Tonight, at least.”

“Better than never.”

“Yeah, that’s the idea.” He rubbed his arm, curled in on himself a little. “I won’t say I never… never take anything. It was too much. Too hard. But… I don’t know. Less. More and more days without. Trying to keep going that way, at least.”

He could leave it there, congratulate him and move on. Enjoy the rest of the night. He didn’t have to poke the wound. There were people milling around, drinking and laughing on the lawn under fucking fairy lights Louis and Chris had strung up everywhere. The pull of it was intoxicating, so easy to just drift back into it like nothing ever happened. But it wouldn’t work, not really, not really, when it was hanging over his head.

Ed realised Charlie was following his gaze, smiling a little as he watched other people dancing. He also realised Charlie was holding his hand.

“Why’d you cut me out, Charlie?”

The smile disappeared. Charlie ducked his head, wouldn’t meet his eyes. But he didn’t let go of his hand, either.

“I couldn’t take disappointing you, I guess,” he said, at last. “I dunno. I don’t know if I could give you a good answer, really. I was fucked up.”

“Yeah,” Ed said. “But I wanted to help.”

“You did.” Charlie squeezed his hand. “I would have been dead ten times over if you hadn’t been there.”

“But you just pushed me out.” He was trying not to get frustrated. “If I kept you alive, how do you think it made me feel when I couldn’t do it anymore?”

“The thing is,” Charlie said, tightly, “I felt like I was fucking you up, too.”

“Bullshit.”

“No, I mean it.” That was when Charlie looked up again and met his gaze steady and sure. “Look, I’m not going to say I was right, because I was a fucking idiot. I was a mess, and I did it to myself. But you… I just saw every day how much it hurt you. You wanted to do more, you wanted to be there to catch me every time something went wrong, and when I fucked myself up anyway I felt like I was letting you down, and you felt like you were letting me down, and it just fucked us both up more. I couldn’t watch you doing that to yourself anymore.”

Ed felt hot, embarrassed somehow. Furious. _I could watch you for as long as it took_ , he wanted to say, but that didn’t seem quite right.

“You could stay by Audrey, though.” In for a penny, in for a pound. He’d already poked one bruise. May as well go all in.

“She’s different,” Charlie said, carefully. “She’s not better than you. It’s just different.”

Ed took a few breaths, trying to calm himself again, figure out where to go now. He could tell Charlie how it wasn’t like it didn’t kill Audrey a little, too. He could tell him about all the times Audrey had cried at Ed’s kitchen table from watching Charlie fuck himself up. But that was between them, he thought. That wasn’t his place. Not yet.

Instead they just sat there, still holding hands, until Charlie cleared his throat.

“One of the reasons I got better,” he said, “Is because I wanted to be able to look you in the eye again.”

Ed squeezed his hand. “And that’s now.”

“That’s now,” Charlie nodded. “If you’ll have me back.”

Ed has never wanted to kiss him this badly before.

“ _Yes_ ,” he says, like he can’t get the words out fast enough.

“Alright then.” Charlie stands up and pulls Ed up with him, all without letting go. “Let’s do this. Come on, we’ve got some catching up to do. I have a guitar, and you have to remind these fuckers you can sing.”

*

The rest of the night, later on, he could only remember in flashes. Not because Ed was pissed, because neither he nor Charlie got around to finishing a drink that night. But because he was too fucking happy to have Charlie back that he could barely focus on what was going on.

Here’s Ed standing on a table, Charlie belting something out on the guitar behind him, deeply uncomfortable about singing without a keyboard to hide behind but doing it anyway.

Here’s Ed being strongarmed by Louis again, getting told off for how long it’s taken him to get his shit together, and Ed rubbing Louis’ head and laughing like he’s never going to stop.

Here’s Ed dancing with Audrey, the only couple waltzing around on the lawn while Charlie plays a tune that doesn’t fit at all. They’re making it work, though, laughing all the way while the people around them clap in time. When the music slows down, she leans in to him, rests her head on his shoulder and closes her eyes, still swaying with the music all the time. It’s the happiest he’s ever seen her.

All three of them get caught up when another group of partiers barrel out into the street, determined to roll on to another party. They laugh and sing along all the way to King Street, but once they actually make it to a nightclub they don’t stay for long. Charlie isn’t drunk enough to really enjoy bone-shaking basslines and strobe lighting. Ed doesn’t want to be anywhere that it’s too dark to see Charlie’s face, not when he’s gone without him for so long anyway.

Charlie and Audrey don’t know the way to Ed’s new house, but they don’t ask; they just follow him down the street until they’re out of the lights of King Street and all the way home. Audrey makes for the door, but Charlie shakes his head, smiling, and sat down on the concrete. Ed sat down beside him, smiling. And after a moment’s hesitation, Audrey sat down on Ed’s other side, too.

“What do you see up there tonight, Ed?” Charlie said, gesturing at the stars. “Tell me a story.”

“Geminis should watch out for burns and unexpected fortunes.” It’s total bullshit; you can’t see most the zodiac constellations from Sydney, and the only thing Ed can reliably find in the sky is the Southern Cross. But that’s the game. “And Capricorns are… are in a good position to mend old bridges.”

Charlie rolled over on his side and ran a hand slowly up Ed’s arm. Over his chest. He grabs the fabric of Ed’s shirt in a fist. “Capricorns should be extremely grateful for what they’ve got right now, I think.”

Ed has to close his eyes for a moment and take a deep breath of the warm night air. He wants to ask “and are you?” but he already knows the answer.

“Let’s get on the road again,” Charlie said, his breath tickling Ed’s ear.

Ed swallowed. “I… I sold the van, Charlie. I didn’t think you’d come back.”

Audrey lay down on the other side of him, head pillowed on her hand, tracing a finger around Ed’s jaw and his lips. “I’ll drive. I’ve got a station wagon. It’ll fit the instruments in the back.”

Ed was well and truly sober, and he knew Charlie was too. The first time in a long time that had been true. They were both sober and lying on the cracked concrete driveway outside his house, staring at the stars, and Charlie’s hand was up his shirt and Audrey’s was tugging at his belt.

He’d imagined this reunion many times, usually just before he hit the bottle. He never imagined it going quite like this.

Charlie’s mouth was on him now, sucking at the curve of his neck, licking over his collarbone. “Where are we gonna go next, Ed?”

Ed swallowed again, terrified for a moment of the way the world was spinning around him even though he was the most sober he’d been since Charlie quit the band. “Bed,” he gasped, at last. “Before anything else, I need to get to bed.”

“Really?” Audrey grinned, slid her fingers under his waistband and stroked him just once, making him buck into the air. “You look pretty comfortable for a guy lying on the street.”

“Yeah, but I have spent months missing you and _years_ dreaming about this and I do _not_ want this night to end with any of us getting arrested.”

“Okay,” Charlie said, and kissed him for so long that Ed forgot they were in public for a moment, too.

“Alright then, up you get,” Audrey said, slapping his hip and making him moan into Charlie’s mouth. “Bed. And _tomorrow_ you’re both getting in my car and we’re heading down to Melbourne.”

**Author's Note:**

> Eternal Nightcap is, as the liner notes say, an album of unsent letters. This is one to my university years, the people I've sung that chorus with, and this Melbourne girl's love letter to the dirty weekend I once spent in Newtown. And of course, to the wonderful person who left the request I suddenly knew I'd been waiting for all these years.


End file.
